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I’m new to the tumblr world, I’ll admit. I’ve probably only been on for about two years. The reason I made a tumblr in the first place was because it was a place where I felt safe and felt I could truly be me. (I was closeted at the time and boy was it rough.) In this world, I’ve found hope for my future. One of the things I absolutely adore about tumblr is the love tumblrs have for one another, it’s great. Through tumblr I’ve been introduced to several different tv show couples that happen to be lesbian ones, (okay I went searching). At first I was a little sad, because I thought to myself, “is this all I’ll ever have? TV relationships?” Though I know now the answer is “no.” At the time I judged myself a little for being so into fanfics and art and such. Boy was into Lost Girl for a hot sec there. It was bad. I’ve slowly fallen away from the show for different reasons, though I still like to see gif sets of Lauren and Bo on my feed. Right now I’m very into Dracula’s Mina x Lucy, whom I’ve seen referred to as Luna (EEK LOVE), and even more recently, Tierra de Lobos’ Isabel x Cristina. I’m absolutely gaga about both of these ships though I am prepared for the heart break that will probably be Luna, and I don’t even have great hopes for IsabelxCristina but I’m gonna enjoy them while they last. I asked myself the other day why I do this to myself, I mean, watch shows that probably don’t value these relationships the way I do. Welp, it’s sorta simple I guess. Both of these shows are set in not too recent time periods, I don’t know the specifics, but it’s pretty obvious since iphones are lacking in both shows. It is in this trait, held by both of these shows, that I find my extreme love and fascination. I’m a 90’s kid. I’m growing up in, arguably, the most progressive time ever, and within a few years (or less! Fingers crossed) I’ll be able to marry the women of my dreams when I meet her. I can walk down the street with my gal and I’m not entirely afraid someone is gonna flip the fuck out on us. And even though I still have parents that aren’t exactly welcoming of the idea of having a lesbian as a daughter, all in all, I’m pretty lucky. And it’s only getting better. With both of these ships, the case is not the same. And I’m not an idiot, I recognize the fact that these relationships and characters are fiction, but these characters represent something else for me. My heart breaks at the thought of what women like Lucy, Isabel, and Christina, who probably and did exist in real life, went through. The extreme religious control and dominance over society that deemed women like these as abominations, things of evil, really did exist. The fear for their lives was real. In watching these shows I feel the excitement of these women having a moment alone with the person they love and I’m happy for them. I put myself in their shows and question whether or not I would have had the strength or courage to defy the heteronormative society and seek out a love that was real to me, or if I would’ve lied to myself my entire life, being miserable and empty on the inside. Like I said before, I know these characters/events aren’t real. But something not too far off from these, very likely was real and there was fear and hiding and shame. Things that should have never been there in the first place, but, thanks to how society was and still is, were and are. Yes, I’m a fan of lesbian relationships on TV that sport a more recent time frame, because it’s nice to see something like what I hope to experience at some point in my life on TV, but the raw emotion isn’t there like what I feel from “past” shows. A recent development in Dracula has Mina rejecting Lucy (heartbreak), while in a recent TDL promo, there are also hints of disaster, and I’m not afraid to keep watching these shows and will not stop. They are my past, what people like me, my sisters, and in others cases brothers, have gone through. The punishment for loving whomever they wanted, that is my past too. So yeah, I anticipate heartbreak in the near future, but I’m still proud of the people developing these shows for the simple reason that it is a part of history that happened. It’s our history and it hits close to home for me and for many others. The end.
When the past dies, there is mourning, but when the future dies our imaginations are compelled to carry it on.
#1UBB hoosiers baby.
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i wish i was born a hundred years from now. maybe it’d be the kind of world where i didn’t have to come out of the closet. cause your parents ask in like kindergarten “any cute boys in your class?” no? well how about “any cute girls?” and then boom, we could be raised the way we were born and it wouldn’t be a big deal. i wouldn’t have to be so stressed about about whether or not i should tell my best friend i’m gay. she wouldn’t assume that that’s why i hate her boyfriend. nope, i hate him cause you changed when you dated him. I wouldn’t be terrified to tell my parents i’m gay. no body should have to struggle with what i (and thousands of other teens in america and across the world) struggle with every day. it is a chore to be the person i am to my friends. straight and miserable. i am ashamed of my fear, not of who i am. i am ashamed of my friends cause of how i know they would react. maybe i’ll go to sleep tonight and wake up in a world where i didn’t have to hide. if only, if only…
FUCK MY LIFE
i always say the wrong things.
i hate how you bring out the worst in me.
you deserve all my asshole behavior.
but i still feel like shit.
thank you for that, friend
i can be attracted to girls all i want, but when it gets down to it, i can appreciate the good looks of a male. and this boy was blessed with some fine looks.
So I don’t think the world is gonna end tomorrow. BUT all I can think about is that one Rugrats episode where Tommy and the rest of the gang thought the world was gonna end so they hid under the picnic table and then the wind blew and some apples fell off the tree and knocked some apples onto the table and the Rugrats thought the world was over. This rant. The end.
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And I can’t change, Even if I tried, Even if I wanted to, And I can’t change, Even if I tried, Even if I wanted to, My love, my love, my love. She keeps me warm
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